No. 10: Why Did I Write an E-Book About Sex?

The October Favorites and the case for Q4 intimacy

Trick question—I didn’t write an e-book on sex. I wrote an e-book on intimacy as the seven course meal with sex as the cherry on top (I don’t love sex cherry in the same sentence but here we are.)

Friends, we’ve reached that time of year where if the wheels haven’t fallen off of the marital intimacy wagon yet, they sure as heck are feelin’ loose now. We’re busy. We’re tired. Our kids are staggering their viruses and we’re in varying stages of quarantining and co-sleeping. For many couples, one of the first things to go in the November and December hustle and bustle is sex. It’s a no-brainer. A given.

But what if there had been seeds of intimacy planted along the way so that sex wasn’t some mystical goal that occurs when everything is just right, but rather, the fruit resulting from a root system that isn’t subject to perfect conditions and meticulous care?

I wrote an e-book specifically on intimacy after parenthood because I was getting more questions on the topic than I ever anticipated through a little app on my phone. I guess I give off that vibe of “will over share when deemed necessary and it’s always deemed necessary.” That’s fair. I eventually made a note in my phone to copy + paste when the question came in, but would tweak it and add more and more on for specific situations until it was clear to me that this was bigger than a DM or an email.

I had a perspective to share that was born out of some of the most bizarre battles when it comes to sexual intimacy. A pain unidentifiable by some of the greatest OBs and specialists? Check. Autoimmune disease that stole my energy, personality and libido? Check. Becoming a mother at 24 with no idea how to balance being a wife and a caretaker of a human? Check. Rather than just skipping all of it to share the “things are incredible now” telemarketer version of the story, in typical Jill fashion, I wanted to share the whole journey. I share about sex within pregnancy, different stages of sex postpartum, sex when your body doesn’t feel like your own and why you can be closer than ever in seasons where sex just isn’t happening. Most of all, I talk about the importance of intimacy, trust and friendship that sees every one of those seasons through.

I couldn’t be more passionate about this topic, hence me literally writing the book on it, because the weight of shame we can put on ourselves surrounding this area is heartbreaking. Your testimonials and vulnerability in response to reading this e-book and implementing the tools in it make every bit of oversharing worth it.

This is why the e-book will be 15% off this weekend for my gold standard subscribers. If the overspending, overeating and overextending of November and December typically leave you and your spouse drifting rather than connecting, I hope the stories and tools in the book make this the sweetest Holiday season of your marriage thus far. Becoming parents does not disqualify us from the best friendship (and most fun) of our lives. Use code GOLD15 right here now through 11:59pm on Sunday.

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Our favorite Alphabet Seek-and-Find book is like the very best version of Where’s Waldo. We’ve had it for years and we’re in a season where the kids want to read it every night again—it’s one of those books that make the nighttime routine genuinely enjoyable. It’s old and incredibly hard to find but there are some in stock here and here.

I’m already well into soup, stew and comfort food season, but I made pasta salad the other night and it was delightful. I’m here to remind you that if you have a summer food that makes you smile while simplifying your life, make it. I use this recipe and especially love it meal prepped to eat for a quick and easy lunch. You could also add some salami if you were feeling daring (and I leave the olives out because obviously.)

My favorite ornaments every single year have been released and I’m so excited to continue the tradition of choosing a few that represent our year. I have my eye on this fishing bear ornament to commemorate our time at family camp this summer (with bears and fish,) this tool set to mark the year we spent renovating our home and this Chicago ornament to remember our trip there this summer and to celebrate the city where I spent the first twelve years of my life.

“The internet’s file format has been diagnosed as ‘cringe,’ but there are other threats to its existence. So could it really be the end for the ol’ GIF?” This article titled, The GIF is on it’s Deathbead was a fascinating read.

We need to talk about Olivia Rodrigo’s ‘Sour’ album. Yes, it’s very old news now. Yes, the songs probably already live in your head if you have Tik-Tok or teenagers or eardrums. But if you’ve yet to listen to it because you’re in your early thirties, deleted instagram and don’t listen to the radio, I highly recommend channeling your inner devastated main character in a romcom by blasting deja vu, happier and traitor while driving. Even if you’ve been married for 12 years and your only other romance was in high school, it’s gooooood.

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If this is the first email you’re reading since the September Favorites email, I hope you had a beautiful October and that this brought you your dose of Friday morning delight! If you become a paid subscriber, you can go back and check up on all the newsletters you’ve missed—some favorites being the one where I shared what it was like when O left the NFL, the one where I share all my favorite fall/winter recipes and how to meal prep, the one where I share in a voice note about the story that will make me cringe for the rest of time and what it was like to have 5 days without my husband and kids home for the first time since I was 23.

Lastly, I asked for your Halloween photos so it’s only fair that I share mine as well:

Can you even with Z here? Hermione, Hagrid, Harry, Barbie and Princess Ana. It was one for the books!

Happy November, friends.