No. 19 Survival Essentials
some months aren't about thriving, just surviving.
If there were ever a time to adopt the language of my people, it’s this. So here we go.
Y’ALL.
Y’all, y’all, y’all—December was tough. So was November. So was October. First trimesters have never been super kind to me, but this fifth first trimester threw some sparkle on itself because it happened to fall perfectly during the entire stretch of holiday marathon season. Plus, I had three other kids who needed food and braids and schooling and occasional eye contact. Plus, I have irritable uterus again which meant I couldn’t exercise or do any extensive activity — walking included — until my 8 week ultrasound. (Plus again…I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks so that was a super long time.)
I’m reserving pregnancy conversations for the upcoming podcast to keep this newsletter a safe space for people in every season and space so we’ll just get to the point: let’s just say my ambitious December bucket list didn’t get accomplished.
Look, my kids had a magical holiday season. I had some form of meal on the table at mealtimes. I recorded podcast episodes for Coffee + Crumbs, pushed the ball down the field on personal projects and sent this newsletter out every week. I kept Gin-Gins just out of sight but in reach for a lovely Zoom marriage counseling session and sipped ginger beer at house meetings. Everything that truly needed to get done was done and that is the best we can hope for. But will anyone in my care look back on December 2022 and think, “dannngg, mommy outdid herself that month?” Nope.
Thankfully, my two year old Z won’t remember the day she asked me for water but I couldn’t get out of bed so I gave her specific directions to find an old box of ginger ale in the pantry I knew she could reach. “You’ll find a pretty green can. Don’t shake it and try not to drop it! Bring it to mommy, okay?” I can only hope Keogena doesn’t remember how many times I had to turn down playing with her and that Lema forgets how many times I had to back out of something I’d promised because I couldn’t get out of bed.
The sweetest thing about seasons like these, though, is that the people we love get to witness the fact that “our best” is a spectrum.
Some months, my 'best’ looks like scheduling playdates, sewing costumes for class festivals, making new recipes all week long and being an attentive wife that prioritizes fun. Other months, when my body has been adjusting to a new medication or grief turns me to a shell of myself or anxiety makes every day a battle, my ‘best’ has a new—much lower—ceiling. When I don’t have much to give, what I do give is truly everything I have. And the people I love get to learn how to have grace. They get a better picture of the humanity of the mom that is limited. They get to better learn what it means to give and receive unconditional love.
I bid ‘good riddance’ to December with hopes that the shininess of a new year and new trimester would help to shake off the hard that weighed down every inch of my body last month, but the truth is, I know survival mode will be back. My best will look a whole lot like my worst again here pretty soon and I’m grateful for what I learn every time I leave survival mode.
Because by the grace of God, I did in fact survive.
I shared my love for Dissh in the favorites above, but I have a couple other standout items to share from the brand. I don’t buy maternity clothes so instead, I look for hardworking staples that can withstand my giant size and still work long after the bump is gone. This is the satin dress I wore in my announcement photo last week was from the shop, these satin blazers are my favorite wildcard piece and the quality, shape and flattering factor of their dresses remains unbeatable.
My friend Laura’s book Like Me officially launched this week and I’m so excited for the world to get their hands on this treasure. If you’re not sure how to begin a conversation about disabilities and God’s design with your children, this is the book you need in your arsenal. Also, the fact that the story and illustrations are straight up enchanting is just a bonus.
I found the Wild Boys podcast to be so fascinating. Essentially, two brothers showed up in a teeny Canadian town and declared to have been raised in the bush completely cut off from modern technology, peers and civilization as a whole. The chaos that ensues as the town tries to help them adjust to reality and the shock that comes when their story turns out to be far from the truth made for perfect packing entertainment last week.
I watched Gilmore girls start to finish over the holidays (as one does) and despite seeing the entire series countless time, something rubbed me the wrong way this time. Maybe it’s because I was dealing with that thing where you crave everything you see on the screen, but for the first time I noticed that for two women who are known for how excessively they eat, shouldn’t they actually eat? I googled the exact question, “why do Lorelai and Rory never finish food” and was pleased to learn a whole corner of the internet shared my rage. This article explains it best.
The other day, YouTube played an ad for the Calm app claiming brown noise is the perfect tool to ease anxiety. I don’t know if this is just me, but I’m not exaggerating when I say I clicked ‘play’ to try it out in a state of pure peace and the ‘brown noise’ sound quite literally triggered anxiety in me. No, ma’am. This rain storm and this fear meditation are my go-to for calming down in a pinch.
As I type this section, I’m sitting at my in-laws dining room table in Ontario, Canada. We made the 17 (!!) hour road trip here over the span of two days which means I’ve had the drive home in my mind for the past week. As you read this section, I’ll have just arrived home from a 12 hour drive to and from Florida with my sisters. That’s right— in the span of two weeks, I’ll have logged 60+ road trip hours. I know a lot of us are facing unexpected road trips or opting for driving over flying when possible so I’m going to share a few tips that always get us through extended road trips.
+ We always try to leave in the 3-4:30am hour so theres a hope of the babes going back to sleep. Regardless of how long they rest, I choose a set time for breakfast so that the kids aren’t eating at 6am and hungry for lunch by 10. This is crucial. Plugging in a sound machine or playing rain sounds on YouTube can help your cause here. Plus, even though that hour can be brutal, it’s worth it to get ahead of morning and evening traffic to shave down your drive time in the long run.
+ Keep a designated ‘road trip bag’ within your reach for all staples. I always pack a bag to keep nearby filled with large ziplocks, plastic bags to act as a garbage bags for the front and back seat, paper towel, paper plates, paper cups, sanitizer and some baby wipes. This bag is your best friend. Use paper cups to scoop chips and snacks, paper plates for lunches and coloring supplies and the bags whenever necessary.
+ Pack a cooler as well as a food bag. I avoid getting food along the drive for two reasons: 1. Stops inevitably slow a ride down. 2. After my own carsickness after fast-food roulette as a child, predictable food is crucial. I make more turkey sandwiches and pb&js than they can possibly consume, wrap each one in parchment and store it in a large ziplock in a cooler. Things like clementines, cheese sticks and juice boxes get put in the cooler as well and I grab extra ice at a gas station or the hotel to keep them fresh for day two of driving. I pack individual oatmeals for breakfast on day two for the shorter portion of the drive because we all know oatmeal tends to clear the pipes if you know what I’m saying. No one needs that for the long drive days. We fill them with hot water at the hotel if we have an overnight stay or stop in a gas station for hot water if a hotel isn’t an option. And of course, fun snacks get split between their backpacks and a food bag that goes under the toddler’s car seat.
+ Leave room in the schedule for wiggles. Everyone has a specific road trip style so if I had to name mine, it’d probably be “let’s get this over with.” I have a sister who will happily go into town and stop for lunch at a restaurant or wander around shops during her long drive and that’s lovely…but my crew isn’t stopping anywhere that isn’t right along the highway path. I can be tempted to make a potty stop and get right them back on the road every single time, but before their ‘rest time’ is coming up, we make one long stop. They’ll run around and be silly, play a game and ultimately get all their wiggles out. I find this keeps morale up and also makes an actual nap more likely.
+ Minimize the technology when possible. Our car has dvd screens in it and the kids know we only utilize them on long road trips. Some of my core childhood memories involve our long-haul road trip movie selection so I love that they get this experience, but I also know that hours of movies and shows doesn’t make for happy kids. They also are only allowed to borrow our iPads on planes for this reason, not car rides or in the house. I find that adding space for audiobooks, music, quiet reading time, creative game time and sleeping helps their overall mood and health (e.g. less complaints of dizziness and headaches) for the whole ride. We had a consistent balance of Bluey, Tarzan 1 and 2, Harry Potter on Audible, “guess which animal I am,” coloring, reading and sleep for our 34 hour trip and the split was my favorite yet.
+ Even if your kids aren’t potty training, keep a potty in the car. Just trust me on this.
+ Consider a stocked backpack for each kid. Whether your kids will function better using a behind the seat storage organizer or keeping everything in their own backpack at their feet is up to you. I have loved a mixture of both, keeping things like Water Wows, journals and art supplies, stickers, books and special snacks to stagger throughout the trip. If your kids are old enough to keep things organized, you can remind them to put everything where they found it which works for one of my kids and not so much the others. Their trip will be more fun if they keep everything in one place instead of losing it in the crevice of the seat and underneath the cushion, you know?
Okay friends, I’m going to end it here for today. To be very real with you, I’m exhausted. I’m behind on work and chores and everything in between and while the start of the new year is supposed to feel shiny and new, it’s just not shaping up that way. My energy and time allotment doesn’t match my romanticized version of January me and you know what? That’s okay.
If you find that your survival mode season seeped over into the January, (the disrespect!) I hope you know you’re not alone. But far more important that solidarity, I hope you know that Jehova Jireh sees us in our weakness. He is not late, He’s not absent. Even in our survival mode, He is providing exactly what we need. Because sometimes the very thing we need is to take a posture that is low and slow.
I’ll see you next week, same time, same place.