No. 23: Invitation vs. Accusation

The single tool given to us by our marriage counselors that changed the game

With Valentines Day just around the corner, I wanted to share something lovey. Something romantic and sweet. I thought something spicy would be appropriate—but after publishing a podcast episode about the literal conception of our fourth child last week, it felt a bit heavy handed.

The thing that keeps coming back to me, ready and packaged up for delivery is the short and simple message given to us by our marriage counselors last year. We’ve been meeting with this brilliant couple that directs us closer to God and one another every single session for over a year. One Sunday evening during an appointment that fell after a long break between meetings, we were doing all the catch-up protocol and pleasantries. We had been great, which was wonderful, and if we hadn’t written down disagreements that didn’t sit right with us like we’d been advised to do, neither of us would have been able to recall one.

Don’t worry though—I keep a note on my phone for moments ranging from when I feel deeply wronged and hurt to the times I feel irked enough to write it down. (Never once has O felt the need to do this, by the way, and that’s why he’s my favorite.) In one of our conversations from the months between our previous appointment and that one, we simply could not get on the same page. We both expressed our point respectfully and lovingly, we both understood one another fully and wholly and yet I was still 100% sure he was wrong which he 100% needed to know and agree with.

Often times when I’m reading through Proverbs, I can’t help but replacing “the fool” with “Jill” and “the wise” with O. Usually it seems about right.

In describing the conversation to our counselors, they sat back and said something along the lines of, “Jill, it looks like it is important to you that in the end of the conflict, Oshiomogho will admit to a wrong of some kind. Almost like that’s the goal.”

I mean, yea, kinda.