No. 125: This is Me Trying.

A vulnerable video on all that's to come.

shout out to the cutie little microphone that didn’t work.

Before you watch this video, if you’re like, “THIRTY MINUTES? WHO HAS THE TIME!” Here is a summary:

1. This Substack will remain the same, a letter will go out every Friday and Sunday.
2. I have a goal of making two long form videos a month in addition to continuing to send out two Substack letters a week.
3. I share about the home content I hope to create and the reason why it has been so hard to do that in the past few years
4. I finish with a very transparent look into my experience as a content creator and the North Star I’m following in light of all of it.
5. I have three psoriasis flakes literally in my hair line the entire video and clearly didn’t look in the mirror before starting it so I’m deeply sorry for that visual. Just squint to don’t look at me, deal?

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No. 24: I Deleted Instagram 13 Months Ago - This is What I've Learned, Loved and Let Go.

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Today’s video is 31 minutes so I’ll mostly let it speak for itself, but there is one thing I want to say here at the top. My friend Katie (who most of you know and adore just as much as I do) gave me advice that rearranged the furniture in my brain from the moment she said it. After I explained some of the financial struggles that have resulted from the build and the move and my stance on Instagram as a result of it, she could tell the wrestling going on in my mind. She said, “something I heard that I need you to know now is this—people might not like your choice, but they don’t know the choices you had.” And that’s exactly it.

I do dive into the finances a bit in this video, but there have been years where I’ve been showing up on the internet and grinding in the name of hustle culture. I was promised nearly a decade ago by the Jenna Kutchers, the Marie Forleos and the Amy Porterfields of the world that if I just do. the. work, stay up late, make great content and don’t give up that it will pay off. And in this video I share what my experience has actually been.

I’ve learned more this year than ever about the ways my OCD served as self preservation in a way that has hindered me, but the thing I’ve always done since I was a kid is this: publicly want it only as much as is necessary. Because what could be more humiliating than trying as hard as I possibly could and wanting it openly and then failing? No, instead, I want to give myself the false security that I could be successful if I really showed up, that I could grow if I did what it took to grow.

I’m a mother of four. I’m 34 for one more week, my main responsibility is to my home, my family and my health. I’m no longer in the stage of life where I can dive into things with reckless abandon since my spare time and dream fund are both at zero. That being said, I’m saying it here where everyone can read it—this is the year I really try.