No. 49: The Grass is Always Greener // The August Favorites

And a request for your favorites, too

Happy September, friends. I hope I’m the first of the six thousand people who will tell you “I can’t believe how fast this year is going by” today. I’m sure by 9pm you’ll be sick of it, but it’s still charming and lovely at this point, right? My first newsletter of the year is where I announced I was pregnant and today, nine months later, I have a two month old in my arms. Time is wild. Before we jump in to the August favorites, I’m going to share something that hit me in a big way this week.

The other day, I heard a single mother talking about how exhausting it is to choose all the time. To bear the weight of every decision from insurance to the appropriate length of screen time to what’s for breakfast/lunch/dinner in perpetuity. I immediately asked my sister, also a single mother, if this was true. Surely it wasn’t. I mean, being able to do whatever you want all the time? No consulting, no compromise, no second choice. But she said, “of course it’s exhausting. Of course I wish someone else could shoulder that burden.” And that makes sense.

My friend called the other day to show me her new apartment in Denver. She moved to the mountains early this year after 12 years of living in New York—8 of those years spent sharing an apartment with the same roommate. I was still rolling the idea around in my head so I asked her the same question. I needed to know how she feels about living on her own for truly the first time in her life after 33 years, fully expecting her to rave about the freedom. Instead, she also said she was actually looking forward to having a partner to shoulder the burden of decisions big and small with.

Books, peers, teachers, billboards and songs have told me “the grass is always greener on the other side.” It’s a phrase that, of course, reminds us that our perspective warps our reality and when we compare our lives to what we perceive of others, we almost always idealize what we don’t have and can’t see. As someone who has shared just about every decision for my entire life, I couldn’t fathom a world where being able to do whatever I wanted would be anything short of bliss.

I lived in a home with six other siblings and two parents for 18 years, moved to Chicago to live on my own for exactly one month before moving to San Francisco to share a one bedroom apartment with my teammate for two years. At the end of Sophomore year, at 21 years old, I married O and moved across the country to Virginia and have shared a bed, a life, and decisions ever since. Most of the time, I’m grateful to have my other half to weigh in on the yesses and nos in my lap. I'm an Enneagram 6 through and through—I’m borderline paralyzed by self-doubt and conflicting ideas. Even options that have zero consequence can put me in a tailspin depending on the day so sharing the burden with someone much more decisive (and let’s be real, level-headed) is a blessing.

But there’s also a part of me, the flesh part of me, that just wants to do what I want sometimes. You know how toddlers almost always want the wrong thing? They have a burning desire to stick their fingers in sockets and to run into traffic. They want to eat three ice cream cones and also Tide laundry pods. They are selfish and impulsive and prideful.

Well sometimes, I’m that toddler.

I want what I want, no questions asked. No input. No rational thinking introduced, no consequences. And when I’m in a state of selfishness or self-pity or pride, that’s what I picture it’s like to be single or a single mother. When I approach every situation with a healthy dose of reality, I can see more clearly. Surely there is no perfect scenario. There are comforts and discomforts, joys and struggles, pros and cons to every situation. And that’s exactly what I want to remind you of today.

I remember when I was on Instagram and my feed was essentially my portfolio, I’d get the most ludacris* messages like “your kids are perfect.” “Your house is perfect.” “Your life is perfect.”

But subconsciously, we know that isn’t true for anyone. Not the Queen. Not Beyonce. Not your Mother-in-law. Not the Mommy Blogger with 19 million subscribers. No one.

We minimize the pain and struggle of others when we assume that if they carry the things handed to them with joy, it must mean they have it easy. That just because we find our circumstances hard and their circumstance is the opposite, that their experience here in this life must be effortless. Or that it’s what they would choose given the chance.

One person could find being single with a work from home job incredibly difficult. The opposite married stay at home mom may think, “you’ve got it easy”. And they could be wrong. It might just be a different hard. We become better friends/sisters/ wives/humans when we approach these thoughts in humility.

Instead of assuming we know what someone we love is experiencing, instead, ask, “What is it like for you? What’s great about it? What’s hard about it? Is there anything I can do to make it easier?” Bam. Level up. Contentment, empathy, and proper perspective are on the other side of asking instead of assuming. The grass doesn’t matter.

*(cannot say that without singing “Rollout…rollout…”)

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Looking back on my favorites every month is one of my favorite practices. I’d love to read the favorites that got you through August in the comments—anything from products to books to food to sermons to skincare. I can’t wait to read them all!

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I remember my first time ever being interviewed on a podcast was for my friend Hunter’s Journeywomen. I remember being so nervous because I had listened to seminary graduates, pastors and Bible teachers on her podcast for years. I was just a 27 or 28 year old mom and I said, “you know—I’m not a theologian or anything.” In the days and years after that, friends like Hunter and Phylicia and Laura and mentors from afar like Jen Wilkin and John Piper taught me that we are all theologians. This Family Discipleship Podcast episode highlighting Jen & JT’s new book reiterated it.

This Old Navy tank top with almost 4K perfect ratings is perfection. It was $13 to begin with but is 35% off this weekend so do yourself a favor and get at least a white and a black. Trust me. I always reach for Old Navy when it comes to kids clothes, but don’t sleep on their new arrivals for women, y’all. This dress? This top and skirt set? This perfect crewneck sweatshirt? These pajamas? I’m alllll the way on board.

Laura Tremaine recommended the Streaks app on her podcast and I’ve loved it so much. If you’re a person who finds the act of crossing things off of a to-do list to be wildly satisfying, this is for you. I always find my productivity skyrockets when I’m visually tracking habits and goals so this is just the ultimate win for me.

This song has been wrecking me all week. It’s so beautiful but it’s sort of like when you listen to ‘Stop This Train’ on purpose. You know you’re gonna be snot-drip crying for a solid hour and it’s totally self-inflicted. Just be warned.

I usually save this Chicken Pot Pie soup recipe for cozy seasons so I make it for the first time in months the other day and I already can’t wait to have it again. I make it on the stovetop if I don’t have time to prep it in the crock-pot early in the day and it’s perfect no matter what.

Hard Knocks is back which means my favorite months of the year are here. I always have to give a warning for language but even if you don’t love football, this show is just a beautiful ride. Plus, The Jets + Aaron Rodgers? C’mon. It doesn’t get more exciting than that.

Another non-link recommendation: My nail polish routine. I do my own nails with the exception of a birthday manicure and change the color somewhere in the range of every 7-10 days excluding when I give my nails a breather. This is no easy task with four kids who are in the house pretty much all the time. My kids go to school in-person two days a week and I’ve found that bringing my nail polish in the car for school drop-off has become the DREAM nail painting situation. I drop them off, pull into the parking lot, turn on my favorite podcast, paint my nails then top them with these fast dry drops and turn the car fans to face my nails on the wheel for the drive home. By the time I arrive, they’re fully dry and it’s just chef’s kiss. (My mom would tell me to add the disclaimer that nail polish is super flammable so this is dangerous…but so is gasoline, right? This might be dumb but I’m taking the risk.)

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The favorites email is always a long one but we’ve made it to the end. If you only receive the first newsletter every month, I hope you had a beautiful August! I’ll be back next week with an updated version of my most popular blog post every year: The Fall Momiform. (!!!) You guys will get more customized clothing styling roundups just like this here in the newsletter so it’s going to be a fun one, but if you’re itching to take advantage of Labor Day sales, my personal favorites are Madewell, Abercrombie and Jenni Kayne (because I never, ever, shop there outside of Labor Day or Black Friday). I also always go to Studio McGee’s store, McGee & Co for cozy Fall home updates like candles, soaps, tablecloths, vases, picture frames, vessels and dinnerware with 25% off sitewide.

Don’t forget to share your August favorites—especially in the book and show/movie department because what does someone with no time to watch a show or read a book need? One of each, of course.

Have a beautiful Labor Day Weekend, friends.